A day or two before my husband left for basic, we were driving around to members of his family (and mine) so he could say his goodbyes. I was 38 weeks pregnant and it was June.
We were driving down the road and I burst into tears. My husband looked at me and asked, “Are you okay?”
I said, “I HATE when people ask me how I’m doing!” Because that’s pretty much all anyone said to me at this point.
How are you doing?
“How do they THINK I’m Doing?” I continued through tears, “I’m HOT, I’m PREGNANT, my husbands LEAVING… I wish everyone would just STOP ASKING”
My husband pulled the car over and held me until I calmed down. I’m not proud of my little breakdown and I wish I could say it was the last one that I had, but it wasn’t.
Distances are hard, if I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say “My SO is leaving for boot camp/deployment and I have NO IDEA how to handle this” then I would be rich. There’s no right or wrong way to do distance (assuming everyone is loyal and respectful of their significant others).
You can cry, you can laugh, you can do your own thing. You can feel broken, you can miss them, you can drink wine in the bathtub.
Sometimes it can be hard to see, but you will get through it.
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Fortunately, there are several books out there to help with the process. I feel like books are a very overlooked resource, I wish more people would take advantage of them (and it’s also a great way to pass the time). It’s okay to not know what you’re doing, but hopefully, these books can help you sort it out, stay healthy, and give you some tools to get through it a little easier.
1. I Love A Man In Uniform: A Memoir of Love, War, and Other Battles By Lily Burana
Despite her past full of rebellion, this woman writes about what it’s like to unexpectedly fall in love with a military man and the pain that can go with it. {Click here to learn more}
2. No Mans War: Irreverent Confessions of an Infantry Wife by Angela Ricketts
Army brat Ricketts thought she knew what she was getting into when she married her military man but eight deployments later and several long years away from her spouse, she writes about everything from life on base to dealing with the combat death of a close friend. {Click here to learn more}
3. Alice Bliss: A Novel by Laura Harrington
A teenager learns that her father is being deployed to war. She struggles with high school life while trying to be strong for her mother and sister. Written from the perspective of a military child, this book provides a unique perspective especially to parents learning how to help their children cope with deployments. {Click here to learn more}
4. Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War by Alison Buckholtz
Military spouse, Alison Buckholtz, shares what it’s like to have a spouse deployed to a war zone. She writes about what it was like to attempt to keep life normal for her children while struggling to fulfill the role of a military wife during deployment. {Click here to learn more}
5. Homefront Club: The Hardheaded Woman’s Guide to Raising a Military Family by Jacey Eckhart
After 13 PCS’s, 5 deployments, and 3 children, Eckhart writes about what it’s like for the military wife when they are trying to keep a marriage together through distance and the struggles of solo-parenting. The guide offers advice and assistance for military spouses trying to find jobs with each move, taking care of their kids, and everything else military life throws your way. {Click here to learn more}
6. You Know When The Men Are Gone by Siobhan Fallon
A fictional story that dives into the lives of several very different families on an Army base in Fort Hood. {Click here to learn more}
7. Dinner With The Smileys by Sarah Smiley
Find your strength with this inspiring story about a mother that invites a different guest to dinner each night while her husband was away on deployment. 250 strangers enter their lives and help raise her three boys while their father is away. This book really shows the power of community and the strength that comes with it. {Click here to learn more}
8. The Day After He Left For Iraq by Melissa Seligman
A story that will hit home for a lot of us: a newborn and toddler at home and a husband who has been deployed. This is a story about the worry, anxiety, and pain of having a husband deployed to a dangerous location and the struggles of solo-parenting and how she learns acceptance and strength. {Click here to learn more}
9. 1001 Things To Love About Military Life by Tara Crooks,
Sometimes we need a little positive during those hard times. This story is full of heart-warming, funny, and inspirational stories. Regardless of your role, this book has everything you need to get a glimpse of what it’s really like to have a military family. {Click here to learn more}
10. Beyond The Wall: The Journey Home by
This story is about a Vietnam Veteran with PTSD and survivors guilt attempting to help and mentor an Iraq war Veteran receiving medical care. This story provides a glimpse into the pain of PTSD and is a must read for anyone experiencing it within their family. {Click here to learn more}
11. While they’re At War by Kristin Henderson
This is book of two very different women living life after sending their husbands off to Iraq to fight in a combat zone. They worry of death, finances, and other things that military spouses often fear durinseparationsns. They find support systems and learn how to overcome the struggles of military life. {Click here to learn more}
12. Modern Military Spouse by J.D. Collins, Lauren Tamm, & Jo, My Gosh
Almost like talking to a friend, this story is from one military spouse to another. You will learn everything from what to do while he’s away, how to navigate military life with kids, how to prepare for a successful military marriage, and so much more. This book is not just a typical book. It comes with 20+ printable documents and checklists, and 3 bonus sections, along with it’s amazing 14 comprehensive chapters. You will learn not only what it’s like to succeed AND thrive in a military marriage, but you will also learn the tools you need to survive military life in general. {Click here to learn more}
13. The 5 Love Languages Military Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts by
This book was guided by advice from dozens of military couples in many different stages of their careers and lives (and also written by a former military spouse). This book helps other military couples navigate life full of frequent moves, unpredictable schedules (because we all know how annoy it is when our plans get changed for the millionth time) and other tasks that military relationships face. Know one knows the difficulty of having to be thousands of miles away from the person you love like a fellow military spouse. {Click here to learn more}
Hopefully, this list will help you out. Not only are there so many great stories and advice, but it’s also something to fill the time while your spouse is away. As for me, I got through the distance and I felt like we were stronger for it. Having a newborn baby actually helped since it kept be pretty busy. What’s better than snuggling with a sleeping newborn angel? Now, when my husband gets deployed and I have a toddler and a baby, THAT will be a different story…
What is your favorite book to help you through deployments? Share in the comments below!
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This post contains affiliate links. All opinions are 100%. List is in no specific order.
